so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
