There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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