you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
