it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
