I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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