He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
