I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Please don't give away my fajitas
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
