Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
