i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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