my phone needs a breathalizer
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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