i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
