LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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