The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
