we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
