i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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