I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
