there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
