Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
