i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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