I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You brought string cheese to the strip club
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
