He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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