Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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