She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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