Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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