Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
