I bet he comes in French.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
