I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
