I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
