hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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