I've blown a few things in my day
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
