how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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