Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
sarcasm needs its own font
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
