Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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