My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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