i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
