I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
