You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
