paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
it's like iHOP with fire
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i think my cat just said my name.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize