so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We need a shit load of segways right now
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
