dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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