Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
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