i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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