the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Girls should come with a carfax report
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
