Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
