Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
