you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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