I faked an abortion last night.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
operation harelip BJ is a go
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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