Plan B is the new Plan A
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
