oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
