I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
