I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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