He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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