I am spending my child support on dildos
I could make wine with my vomit
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize