im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
