i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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