all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
