Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
