I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
