whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
