1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
