Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
