i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
