I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
