You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
