You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
